Fall is widely known as the season with the best holidays: Halloween, Labor Day, and Elephant Appreciation Day, to name a few. Sadly, as autumn comes to a close, so does the season of chill, no pressure holidays, only to be taken over by a clump of hectic, high-tension holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and my birthday.

Thanksgiving should not be the high-pressured holiday into which it usually devolves. While I do not especially like turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing or pumpkin pie, I do love potatoes, so I do look forward this day. It sounds great in theory: there’s quality time with family, lots of food and an emphasis on roasted birds, three key ingredients in any American holiday. However, everyone hates their family, and being forced to spend one to seven days with them in the middle of November to celebrate a holiday that may or may not exaggerate the friendship between Native Americans and the pilgrims is apparently the worst kind of torture.

Luckily, I have never felt the stress that is so often associated with this glorious holiday. In fact, getting through Thanksgiving is usually a fairly stress-free process for me. This year, I will be driving over to Iowa (an excellent state full of corn and opportunity) with my parents, my brother and my brother’s girlfriend in what will be an exciting and not at all uncomfortable car ride. Once I get to my grandparents’ house, I will alternate my time between appearing disinterested in playing with my cousins’ Playmobile toys (while, in fact, I will be very interested because Playmobiles are the best thing that’s ever happened to this country) and trying to sneak in naps (naps are largely frowned upon in my family).

Now, the reason that I am so relaxed over Thanksgiving is because I avoid any situation that may cause me anxiety or discomfort. I do not cook the turkey. I do not do the dishes. I ignore any homework that was assigned to me during the break. I steer clear of any arguments about whether or not the pilgrims helped destroy the Native Americans. This tactic works well with other holidays, too. I do not participate in holiday decorating or preparations during Christmas. I partake in none of the festivities during Hanukkah (partially because I am not Jewish). I undergo none of the stress associated with Kwanzaa, mainly because I don’t fully understand what Kwanzaa is.

I know that some people may be unable to use this approach due to family traditions that include the kids actually having to do some of the work. Thankfully, there are still some methods you can use to reduce the stress. First of all, buy less turkey. There is no need for the amount of turkey that is bought on Thanksgiving. Absolutely no need. Do you know what turkey not eaten on Thanksgiving turns into? Leftover turkey. And leftover turkey is substituted for chicken in dishes such as chicken enchiladas, chicken potpie and chicken carbonara. There is nothing more disgusting than three months of getting turkey sneaked into your favorite foods. So many fights, arguments, and tears could be avoided if we just buy less turkey.

The most helpful thing one can do during Thanksgiving is to play the “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” soundtrack on repeat throughout the day. First of all, anyone who doesn’t appreciate the good fun and hilarity of our friends Linus, Lucy, Charlie and Snoopy should not be allowed within fifty feet of your house, and they certainly should not be sitting at your table eating turkey on a national holiday. This way, you can weed out the people most likely to cause trouble during dinner early, making the time for everyone else much more relaxing and enjoyable. The calming sounds of our good friend Charlie attempting to kick a football or Linus doing something weird with his blanket will soothe any frayed nerves that may arise from loud arguments or passive aggressive silences over the state of turkeys in this country.

Of course, these tactics should only be used if plan A doesn’t work, which is to deny, ignore and avoid any and all stressful situations. This will make for a more traumatic, taxing holiday for the rest of the family, but it will ensure a relaxing, peaceful day for you.