As first quarter comes to a close and second quarter begins, you may be feeling a little anxious or stressed. Seniors are having mental breakdowns over college applications. Juniors are feeling the pressure of the dreaded junior year. Freshmen are trying to adjust to a whole new school. And sophomores should be counting their blessings because they’re in the middle of what is by far the easiest year in high school. You may be crying, or yelling, or curled up in a ball in some strange corner of the school. Luckily for you, I have created Moira’s Stress-Relieving Tips™ in order to help each and every Trevian through these troubled times:
1. Sleep often and everywhere. The world is your mattress. Every time you fall asleep, you forget about all your problems for at least a whole class period. Due to a slight miscommunication, I am no longer allowed to sleep sprawled out on the library floor. However, that doesn’t stop me from trying out various sitting positions to nap in. Curl up next to a friend, an acquaintance or even a total stranger— they’ll be happy to lend a shoulder once they know it’s for stress-related purposes only.
2. Don’t be ashamed to cry. New Trier is a very non-judgmental school, and no one is going to think less of you for letting a few tears fall during your history class. That being said, try to avoid crying one-on-one with teachers. There is nothing they can do but stare at you or nervously laugh. The only thing this can achieve is an awkward relationship with your teacher, which will undoubtedly increase your stress levels. As all upperclassmen know, the best places to cry are usually hallways, the ice bath in the Trainer and the shower stalls in the gym locker rooms.
3. Despite what others might think, deep down your peers actually really want to hear you complain about your life. Complaining is highly therapeutic. Spare no details and try to be as dramatic as possible; this way, you can let it out. Try to act as annoyed as possible when your friends don’t have any advice for you, but then also make sure to refuse any help or comfort your friends give you. They know nothing about what you’ve been through.
4. This leads directly to my next point: bragging. Bragging will make you feel superior to others, therefore making your stress more worthwhile. There are two main topics that you should focus on while bragging: how hard your classes are and how sleep deprived you are. Remember, no one is taking harder classes than you and no one is as tired as you. Anytime someone mentions that they have a test, you need to immediately list off your AP Euro test, your AP calc project, your Spanish quiz and your English reading conference. Likewise, if anyone tells you how tired he or she is, immediately refute him or her by telling them the exact number of hours you slept the night before (preferably under three hours).
5. Try to miss at least one day of school a week. I’m just kidding. School is your only chance at a future and without it you will be nothing.
6. Do not pregame your tests and quizzes. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but often even the best of ideas result in suspension, expulsion or imprisonment.
7. Listen to music. Preferably angsty music, made by musicians who understand the depth of your despair. This music should probably be obscure and edgy, but if not you can always listen to Taylor Swift and pretend her lyrics about Jake Gyllenhaal are actually about your Bio exam.
8. Lastly, do not panic. But don’t completely not panic and give up either. Find the fine balance between almost panicking and almost giving up. I cannot assure you that everything will be alright, but I can promise that you have at least a 70% chance of making it through this year alive.