Where does the class clown belong? In the back of the class, of course.

Class clowns are an interesting phenomenon. And I’m not just saying that because I like to be called interesting. That’s right, I, Max Friedman, am a class clown. Or at least I like to think of myself as one. Sometimes, when I make a joke and no one laughs it feels like I’m more of a class “sad clown,” but that’s a clown nonetheless.

Unfortunately, as entertaining as they are, class clowns are largely a distraction. When a person spends a whole class making jokes, they’re really not learning very much. And unfortunately, they make it much harder for others in the class to learn, especially if they’re really funny.

It would be easy to say that class clowns are far too distracting, and that they just need to settle down and shut up. But, as we all know, that wouldn’t really accomplish anything. I mean, this article isn’t going to accomplish anything anyways, but it’ll at least be longer.

To tell all the class clowns to simply stop wouldn’t  work  because it ignores the basic reason why class clowns exist. We love attention. I mean, we LOVE it. Attention is the light of my life, the fire of my loins. I just can’t get enough of it. Telling me to just straight up stop would only make me want to joke around more.

So, you say, why don’t class clowns just find another way to get attention?  New Trier puts on several theatre productions a year, has dozens of radio shows, supports two improve clubs, and three student-run newspapers. Can’t they get the attention they crave there? No. No we can’t. Right now, nothing is enough.

And that’s not the only reason why we exist. The fact is, one of the big reasons why we make so many jokes in class is because, well, we’re bored. Personally, I hate math, so I tend to get really bored in math class. I spent most of last year making jokes to my neighbor, at one point spending an entire period subjecting him to my version of slam poetry, angrily whispering “Richard Nixon” In his ear and slamming my desk for forty minutes. So, we’re never actually going to get rid of class clowns.

I realize that this whole thing is kind of defeatist. And it is. Class clowns have always existed, and always will exist, along with jocks, nerds, and all the typical high school clichés.  Still, you can make us slow down. All you have to do is ignore us. We won’t go away, we never will. But at least we’ll be more manageable.