Everybody watched New York’s famous, Upper East Siders on “Gossip Girl” back in eighth grade. Apparently I missed this trend. I’m still working on finishing the show, currently in Season 5. I’ve been told that a lot is yet to happen so please, no spoilers.

I’ll start by mentioning how thrilled I am that I never watched this outrageous show as a vulnerable 12 or 13 year old preteen.

According to “Gossip Girl,” I should have been walking into bars and ordering cocktails since freshman year. Also, the fact that I didn’t drunkenly lose my virginity to my best friend’s partner freshman year makes me a prude.

In the show, a “best friend” is just some unreliable frenemy companion who lingers by your side only when it works out in his or her favor. School parties are supposed to be exclusive masquerades with specific names. Friend groups are incestual cesspools.

But this isn’t quite what high school is like. New Trier is pretty much the suburban equivalent to Constance and St. Jude’s, yet we still don’t have all of the drama. Unlike Blair with her alleged 4.0 despite never once doing homework and drinking cocktails every school night, Trevians tend to take their sweet time on their assignments.

It’s pretty obvious that the Upper East Side lifestyle just doesn’t translate into any sort of reality; the show isn’t watched for realism.

Every so often, my dad will walk downstairs and take a seat. He’ll proceed to insult every situation for its predictability and stupidity, not to mention the awful narration. I can’t argue with what he says.

So when my dad asks why an intelligent boy like myself would like such an abhorrent show, I usually sum it up with “Gossip Girl” just being a guilty pleasure.

It’s not like the message is any good, either. Any generic message about the importance of family and friends is destroyed by the entire show being the antithesis to this.

So what is it about this show? Why do I feel this need to waste roughly 20 hours of my life to finish this series?

I’d argue for one thing, fantasy. There’s an entire character devoted to this idea, Charlie Rhodes, who comes into their ‘world’ against all of what it stands for only to succumb to her love of money and power (a season later, she comes back as two people but that’s irrelevant).

I’m not going to pretend that I’m above desiring an invite to some over the top masquerade or ball. I’ll go ahead and say most of the school isn’t above this due to the wonderfully sought after money dump that is the graduation party.

The other reason, most obvious yet just as unfortunate, is the drama. The sweet, unnecessary constant fighting and shake-ups. Nobody likes personal drama, but I won’t pretend that I don’t enjoy hearing the dish. The phrase ‘let me send you the screenshots’ will get anybody excited.

So in the end, yeah “Gossip Girl” is definitely a guilty pleasure. It’s one of the worst kind, too; a pointless, nonsensical, poorly made show that I can’t help loving, even if it satisfies the worst parts of me.

XOXO!