I enjoy the Bachelor. I enjoy the Bachelorette. And you know what, I even enjoy Bachelor in Paradise, so sue me. The drama is a fun addition to my mundane life, my only conflicts ever arising when my mother criticizes me for perfecting a mug cake recipe instead of an essay. And of course, the physique of the male contestants often motives me to hit the gym, by which I mean go on a treadmill for ten minutes and then vedge at the cafe downstairs. I enjoy the show, despite it being a piece of trash, because it’s my trash. So let me watch in peace.

When someone discovers my love of the bachelor franchise, a typical response would be, “But you know it’s fake, right?” I’m tired of this. First of all, these people are never qualified to make this statement, and have rarely watched a season, an episode, or even one “contestant gets drunk and falls in the pool” scene. So how would they, an uneducated peasant, know more about the bachelor than me, a seasoned bachelor connoisseur? If you fall under this category, I urge you to stop acting like a conservative discussing climate change and not claim something is fake when you happen to know nothing about it.

The fact of the matter is that no one can really know. No one can know if the show is scripted, or if the contestants are urged to consume large amounts of alcohol, or if the bachelor is just a robot built with abs you could grate cheese on. So I must admit that I cannot know. But for the love of Chris Harrison, let me live in ignorance.

The world is not a pretty place at the moment, but I am trying to stay woke. I keep up with politics, I call my Senator, and I even read through the entire Green Team drama like the dedicated Trevian that I am. I strive to not be ignorant, but when it comes to the Bachelor, I am okay living in denial. Why do these uneducated-on-the-bachelor peasants always try to stop me?

Does it bring them joy to rip apart my dreams? To know that a couple that I spent weeks rooting for has a relationship solely based off of discovering fame? Or does it warm their cold hearts to yuck all of my yums, even the ones closest to me?

You may be wondering how to respond in the event of a bachelor fan opening up to you. You may feel that your mind could not even fathom an acceptable response in replace of stating, “Are you aware that a show you deem a spectacular piece of trash is actually all a lie?” I am here to tell you that it is okay to respond, “Cool”, “I’ve never seen it”, or even “Are you aware that global warming is actually a hoax created by the liberals?” The last one is only recommended for the conservatives uneducated on climate change.

I enjoy the Bachelor. I enjoy the escape it provides from the never-ending cycle of mental pain caused by the New Trier Institution. I’m kidding of course. I worship this school. Anyways, please keep your opinions about the true reality of the Bachelor to yourself, and let the rest of us remain ignorant, just this once. Let us be naive. Let us live in denial. Please, just let us enjoy our trash.