These days, it seems that individuals can’t help but share every part of their lives through online social media, telling others about mundane minutia through tweets and Snapchats.
With this in mind, along with the continuing popularity of websites like Facebook, it only makes sense that social media is frequently used by people of all ages to share a much more serious part of life: grief.
Facebook pages or Instagram posts often pop up in honor of a loved one after his/her death, and many teens have engaged in this form of online memorializing. Especially after the March suicides of two area high school students, New Trier students are more aware of this new phenomenon. Most seem to realize that the medium offers both benefits and drawbacks for grieving the loss of a friend or loved one. Junior Chloe Madvig described it as “a double-edged sword.”
According to New Trier social worker Ellen Zemel, grieving in general is neither purely “good” nor “bad”. She explained, “Grieving is a process towards health, balance, acceptance.”
For some grieving people, Zemel says that social media can be highly beneficial. First, it’s a practical time-saver. Grievers can quickly send out facts and information to many friends and family, allowing them to avoid the emotional and physical exhaustion of repeating themselves.
Marcy LaKind, a certified psychotherapist with a private practice in Evanston and Northbrook, agreed that memorial Facebook pages could help family members grieve by serving as a tribute to the deceased. “It’s a nice way to keep the person alive. It’s sort of this living, changing growing thing out there.”
Zemel also stressed that many people will write things online that they would not say face-to-face. “People who couldn’t just talk about it can write about it,” she said. “Sharing can in turn empower others to share their own feelings.”
LaKind said that she has informally observed an increase in the popularity of online mourning, and the experiences of students seem to reflect this trend.
Junior Robyn Mech liked a Facebook page in honor of Stevenson student Dana Kingsley as a show of support to her family. “It draws more attention, which could be good or bad,” Mech said. “It depends on how much privacy people want. If the family supports it, it’s good. If you’re trying to raise awareness [about suicide and depression], it’s good.”
Some students have also used CaringBridge, a blog for people facing serious medical conditions. A friend of Zemel found the website to be very helpful, though he noted that one-to-many platforms like Facebook have the potential for “unintended consequences.”
As Zemel said, this means that users risk receiving negative and positive feedback, which could be detrimental to their grieving process.
“People can be critical of what you post, and it becomes very public,” said Zemel. She and Lakind agreed that grieving people could easily misinterpret posts written by others.
New Trier students seem to be more worried about the dangers of using social media to grieve, fearing fallout from Facebook pages that have garnered thousands of likes.
Junior Helen Youn said that Facebook grieving “can get out of hand,” while Madvig expressed concern that Facebook pages could potentially make suicide more appealing to people who suffer from depression.
LaKind acknowledged, “It’s possible that someone who is depressed could get an idea from that. But the benefits [of grieving through social media] far outweigh the risks.” She and Zemel both said that social media does not glorify or sensationalize suicide.
Rather, it serves to foster communication, which experts agree is critical to healthy grieving. In general, LaKind advised young people who are grieving the loss of a loved one to “be open and share stories.”