There are many high school memories that will stay with you forever: the first day of school freshman year, seeing Lagniappe, that time you got an F on your physics final. However, I can promise you that these memories will fade in light of the magical and wondrous night that is prom.
Of course, prom is pretty irrelevant to freshmen and sophomores who won’t be able to go for another year or two (unless you’re a freshman who got asked by a junior or senior and everyone’s like “Aw, that’s so cute!” and I’m like, “But is it? Or is it really kind of sketch?”) Do not worry, my fellow Trevians, prom is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.
My image of prom is a combination of the critically acclaimed TV show “Glee” where everybody puts aside their differences and dances together while I sing a Bruno Mars song, and the movie “Carrie,” which involves murder and blood and retribution.
This weird and very terrifying picture of prom does little to answer the many questions I have about it. For instance, I have always been somewhat confused by the stories of people giving birth in the bathrooms during prom. How does that work? I can understand getting pregnant at prom (although no one should do that because sex is illegal), but I have never figured out how people just happen to have their baby the night of prom. Do people look through the calendar and think, “If I have unprotected sex this day, then in just nine short months I’ll be able to give birth while everybody else dances the night away”? Luckily, through my careful reporter snooping, I have discovered some important information about this beautiful, hopefully pregnancy-free night.
First of all, there is no prom king or queen, which puts me and my prom queen campaign posters in a pretty awkward position. However, I can understand why; the Student Alliance elections get weirdly competitive each year, and the majority of the school isn’t even exactly sure what they do. I can’t imagine how cut-throat a competition to be the Belle of the Ball would be.
You are also required to stay at prom for at least three hours. This is a vast change from Homecoming and Turnabout where people show up at ten p.m., mosey around for four minutes, then depart for their drug- and alcohol-free after parties. You may be panicking at this information; I know I am. I don’t think I have stayed at a school-sponsored event for more than thirty minutes without needing to find some excuse to leave and frolic around the outdoors for a bit.
From spending six-plus hours stalking prom pictures on Facebook last year (that’s kind of an exaggeration), I have also learned that you need to spend a lot effort on your appearance. People tan, get their hair done, get their nails done, get some complex African tribal tattoo, the works. I’m not sure how well this is going to go over for me. It’s a complete miracle that I’ve never shown up to school naked by accident.
Despite my useful and creative tips, you may still be nervous about prom; that’s completely understandable. However, you need to do your best to get over your nerves and enjoy this wonderful night. Just like your memories of raucous pep rallies, senior ditch day, and listening to New Trier’s phenomenal marching band, your memory of prom will stay with you for a lifetime.